Grace and Truth

I just want to start out by apologizing for not posting these past.. 3 weeks? It's been a busy couple of weeks with outings after outings.  I also didn't really know what to write about.  Last night while I was thinking of possible topics, I remembered that I had a flash card of topics I was going to do for a YouTube channel I wanted to start a while back.  So unless there is something during each week that I want to talk about, then I am going to follow the flash card topics.

Now, for this week's topic..

Grace and Truth.

Those of you who know me on a "deeper level" know how much these two words mean to me, the change they have brought to my life.  Those of you who may not know what I'm talking about, let's rewind ALL the way back to my high school years (just kidding, it was like two years ago..). 

Setting: Christian Liberty Academy classroom, about 2:00 P.M.  
Characters: yours truly, and a teacher (who was also my best friend). 
Plot: I was having a hard time forgiving a family member after consistent dishonesty and heartbreak. 
      [Ohkay, I'm not really sure how to continue it in that format, so I'm just gonna go back to regular Vanessa conversational English.]
   So, I told my teacher the problem.  "I can't even talk to them anymore.  I'm so mad.  They have caused enough problems, and I'm sick of it. If I talk to them, I'm just gonna say stuff I shouldn't be saying or tell them off." 
    "Well, you can't ignore them.  They're your family.  And what kind of testimony would you be giving if you just ignored them?  I'm not minimizing the pain they put you and your family through, but you still have to speak to them.  Speak to them with Grace and Truth."

Grace and truth..? What's that?  He proceeded to explain how each of these two things were essential with loving people, especially those who have hurt you.  

Grace.

So this family member hurt me, right?  They deserve to be ignored, especially after time after time of hurt and heartbreak.  

But let's think about this for a second.  

When Jesus died on the cross for us, did he die for us for just that ONE time in our whole lives that we were going to hurt him?  

How about those other couple times we sinned against him?

After a few times of us breaking HIS heart, the God of the Universe, did he choose to ignore us?

Did he tell us off?

Did he appear in our rooms, ranting about how horrible we are?  How mad he is at us?

He didn't.  He died on the cross for all the sins we would ever commit against him.  

He gave us grace.  He still loves us after the daily, minute-by-minute heartbreak that we cause him.  

Truth. 

Let me get this straight, so I'm supposed to just pretend everything is fine and dandy- go on like there are no scars?? 

No, I'm not saying that either.  Neither was my teacher (I almost walked out the room when he was explaining this to me).  

The way he worded it was, "Look (insert name here), you really hurt me.  It has caused me to get bitter, but I know that's not right (thanks to Andy Mineo's 'Bitter').  I forgive you.  That is what Christ has done for me, and that's what he wants me to do. However, I will have more of a guard. Our relationship will be different.  You will have to earn your trust back."

Does that make sense? 

We forgive the people, but we don't let them walk all over us. 

Basically it's like a tough love type of thing.  

We forgive them, but we let them know that the relationship is going to be different.  

Towards the end of the conversation between me and my teacher, I asked him how did he expect me to do this.  He said, "Before you talk to them, say out loud 'Grace and Truth Vanessa, Grace and truth.'" I thought he was crazy.  The next time I saw my family member, I did.  I said it out loud, and I'm happy to say that I am no longer bitter towards them.  

(Can I just point out that as I am writing this, the sky is getting darker by the second?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??!?!?!??!)

I hope you take this, and use it.  These two words have changed the way I deal with hurt.  I talk about this so much, I feel like i should get a tattoo of this (ha. just kidding).  I also want to point out that although I am coming along, I am not as loving, and forgiving as I should be.  I am nowhere near quick to forgive those who have hurt me. 

I'm not expecting you to either, 

I'm just here to help.    

   

The Body of Christ.

So, I was at the gym today.. ya know, going hard (if I do say so myself..).  I was walking out of the locker room.. when all of a sudden it hit me.  Not saying that I've never realized it before, but it hit me today, again.  And I can't help but just smile thinking about it.

It's amazing how God uses people, and who he decides to use.

A couple months back, I was talking to a friend.  We were just sitting on the grass, talking about life: the good, the bad, and the worst of it.  He told me what his "worst sin" was, something he had struggled with for a while.  He asked me mine, and the first thing I thought of, was of course, self-value.  He said, "Really? That's it."  It's like he knew I wasn't telling the whole truth.  I said, "Well, that's not the wooorrssstttttt thing.." "Then tell me!" he said.  "I can't tell you. It's disgusting for me to even think about it.  I can't. It's too bad."

Rewind a couple months before that.

I was sitting with the same friend, talking about life again.  I asked him to share a little bit more about his situation.  He refused, saying that he didn't want to be a burden, or a sob-story.  I told him, "Then what's the point of the body of Christ, if we can't help each other out.  We weren't meant to live this life on our own strength.  We need other people."

Now, go back to the grass. I hope you're still with me here..

"You can't tell me because you think it's too bad?  So what is the body of Christ for then, if you can't tell me?  That's what you said, right?  That we're supposed to share one another's burdens?"  After he said that, I was a bit embarrassed.  This boy just treated me with my own words! I eventually gave in, and told him.  He didn't think it was as bad as I did, because "everyone goes through that."

I am glad to write this to you today, proudly saying that after that day, I no longer struggle with that sin.  Before that day, it was always something building up inside of me, getting ready to explode.  But God used him to release me from that sin.

It's the beauty of the body of Christ, people.  It doesn't matter what you've done, how old you are, or whatever.  The body of Christ is meant to build each other up in love (1 Thessalonians 5:11).  I'm not saying I'm good at it, by any means.  The Lord knows how much I need to learn to love people.  If you've been in the car when I'm driving, you know exactly what I mean.

I think the beauty and work of the body of Christ, being a light in this world.. that's why I love what I'm doing now, working with high school students, and that's why I want to do this as a "career".  I can't imagine any other job being as fruitful as this. I want to show them who Christ is, by just being there for them.  Showing them the beauty of the body of Christ, hoping that one day, they might become a part of it too.    

Hello, Nice To Meet You.

I've always wanted to do something that would be public, something that would share my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.  At first I wanted to start a Youtube channel called "Aye Mira!"  I would post videos every Monday, but that idea was shut down by school.  After that, I thought maybe an Instagram account would be easier.  I would post there, around 3-4 times a week.  "Pictures are easy," I figured.  But after a while, the pictures and captions became a bit redundant.  

 

I am a Bible-believing Christian.  Jesus is my Savior, and God is my King and my Father.  That being said, when I would do devotions, I would write them as if I were writing to an audience.  I don't know why, but it would just happen naturally. I thought it would be cool if I made them into a book for other people to read.  ... I don't think any editor would want to edit my book with all the mistakes inside.  So, the other night, I reactivated my Tumblr, thinking, "I'll just do them on here!"  But, at least from what I have seen, a blog shouldn't really be on Tumblr.. it should be on a more "sophisticated" website.  So, here I am.  

 

I guess I'll tell you a little bit more about myself now, instead of how I got to typing this.  I am the oldest of two, just me and my younger brother.  Grew up in a Christian household, always went to church, went to Christian schools for most of my educational years.  I am going to a Christian university now, and I love it.  I kind of have that normal "Christian" testimony.  I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was in... first? or second grade at Awana.  After that, since I was always in church, or in a Christian school, my faith was never really challenged.  That all changed my freshman year of high school. 

 

It's 2009.  My first day of high school.  I didn't want to go to that school.  It was in the suburbs.  I'm a city girl, for those of you who don't know me- so, you can imagine.. Anyways, my first three years of school were such a dramatic change from what I was used too.  I went from a school that the minority was white, to a school that I was the minority.  Not only that, but the kids at my new high school all knew each other since the womb (not really, but it seemed like that).  Thus, they all had their cliques.  This short new city Mexican girl was not going to fit in.  It was here, during these "lonely" three years that I learned to depend on God, run to him when it seemed like I had no one. 

 

God works in cool ways, ya know.  Most students wouldn't skip lunch to hang out with their teachers.  Most students wouldn't call their teachers their best friends.  Most students wouldnt't tell their teachers their struggles unless it had to do with an assignment.  I, on the other hand, did all of these things.  God blessed me with two amazing, Godly, loving teachers.  One was my Algebra and Chemistry teacher (which is funny, because math was my worst subject, and Chemistry.. well.. is mathy-science), and the other was my sophmore literature and anatomy (my FAVORITE CLASS THROUGHOUT HIGH SCHOOL) teacher.  I would skip lunch to talk to them.  I would use my free periods to just hang out with them.  I can't even begin to tell you how God used them, and CONTINUES to use them in my life, how they have helped me stay on the right path, and showed me the love of Christ.  

 

I always struggled with self-value.  Always.  I never had people tell me that I wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't make anything of myself... I honestly don't know where I got it from, I just ALWAYS had it.  My senior year, I was given the BLESSING of being on the student chapel team.  What this meant, was that I would give a message on a given Thursday to the student body.  This was probably one of the best "take-aways" I have from high school.  I can honestly say that I gave it my all, and I gave the messages whole-heartedly.  However, whenever I would give a message, or even practice it with the team, I was ALWAYS worried about what people would think, whether they would be affected by it, if they would laugh at my jokes (I think that was my biggest worry...), etc.  How could I tell people the value that they have in Christ, when I didn't even know it for myself?  That's something one of my teacher-friends told me.  "You can't see the value of others, if you can't see your own." That hurt me so much.  "So what, I can't help other people just because I don't think good about myself?!?!" I thought to myself.  

 

Warning: this next part is going to sound SO INCREDIBLY CLICHE,

BUT I PROMISE IT HAD A GOOD ENDING.

 

On March 2nd, 2013 I went to a conference with my church called Finishing With No Regrets.  I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that God used that conference to break down the steel, brick, cement, anything strong- barriers in my heart.  It was the simple words of the speaker that opened my eyes.  "Nothing you ever do, could ever change the value you have in God.  YOU, ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE KING.  Nothing you do will ever make God love you more or less."  You mean, I could win all the MVP awards, in every sport I play, and God wouldn't suddenly start paying more attention to my prayers?  So.... with these.. zero MVP trophies... God still cares about me??  Literally, after that day, I lived a life of freedom.  I saw my value in God, and nothing else.  Let me tell you, ever since then, it has been nothing but growth.  Sure, there have been some ups and downs, but through it all, I am still sure of my value. It won't change, like it would if it was in this world.  

 

But hey,  I'm a daughter of the King. 

Nice to meet you.