Ishynae: "Vanessa, get your child!"
Me: "STOP! COME ON, LET'S GO!"
Tomorrow marks 4 years that I've been with ICI.
Four years. FOUR YEARS. That means that I've officially seen my first "class" graduate. Of course, throughout the years, I've met kids in between grades. But let me tell you a little bit about my journey.
 |
| Me with my two kids. <3 |
 |
| Ramon and I (he's off in college now. brb, crying) |
My junior year at Moody (now 2 years ago), I was put in charge of the sophomore class. The sophomores that year consisted of 20 boys and 3 girls, then changed to just boys. So there I was.. another Moody student and I who tried to keep 20 sophomore boys calm, and at the
very least attentive to a bible lesson. That entire school year was
THE. HARDEST. YEAR. OF. MY. LIFE. Every Friday I would come back to Moody crying because of sadness, anger, just frustrated, or exhausted.. many times probably all of the above. I didn't like them. I definitely didn't love them. It took a
huge toll on me, physically even. The kids that were in other groups weren't getting kicked out, but my boys were. Every week, the same kids getting kicked out. Every week, the same battle.
But then conviction got me.
How are these kids going to listen if you have no relationship with them?
 |
| Liz: the one who trusts me with these students. Thanks for everything. AND FOR DRESSING UP FOR MY PARTY. |
All they know about me is that I'm some lady whom they tower over, that I expect them to listen to "some bible story", that I tell them "Be quiet.. put your phone away.. Stop that. Don't say that!" Why would they listen to me?
I need a relationship with them.
 |
| This kid calls me "grandma". |
So I tried. I took them to play basketball. I took them out to eat. It took a LONG time to get somewhere. Even still to this day, I already know that these boys won't pour out their hearts.
So what have I learned in the 4 years that I've been there?
 |
| It's not that they don't like me, it's that they're posing.. I think.. |
I need the Gospel: During that junior year, I kept thinking, "WHY AREN'T THESE KIDS LISTENING TO THIS?!" I would get upset. Then at some point, I kind of pulled a Jonah was like, "God, these kids don't care about you.. why even keep going?" LOL I THOUGHT. This "3 strikes, you're out" discipline reminded me.. God doesn't do that with us. If that were the case, I wouldn't be here 4 years into the hardest ministry writing this. I was reminded of God's grace and forgiveness. If God doesn't cast us away after the third strike, and continues to love us, then I can do the same (ICI kids, if you're reading this, don't get it twisted, I'll still kick you out.. luv u tho). When the kids would blatently disrespect me or another leader, it pushed me to prayer to love them. Forgiveness, boy. Wow. Not only that, but
I need to be in the Word to do anything. "Apart from me you can do nothing". Boy have I seen that.
 |
| My daughter. |
This world is so cruel: Of course, we can read headlines about our city and how many people get shot every weekend. But sit and listen to the life of a teen. Many students would be in danger getting out of school. One family even moved because the family was sick of the danger. I remember the first time a girl told me her story. I was instantly filled with
such a rage. It burned SO DEEP. "See, I just can't understand how you guys can sit here and say that God is a loving God and that he cares about me when.. (insert details)". Not just the outright horrendous things that happen to the kids, but the mentality that society indoctrinates them with. I remember having a conversation (while eating tacos of course) with 3 kids about relationships. "Sex is a competition, Vanessa." "I was going to make her get an abortion." Turns out, he didn't know what abortion was. It really is a "I'ma do me and get my own" mentality.
 |
| One of my favorite pictures, <3 |
Genuine love vs. assigned love: This is the part I'm still working on. I've seen people be fake around my kids. Don't do that. Don't be fake. They already have lies hitting them from every corner. It hurts me so much. Not only because I love my kids, but because I know that the kids can see it. They can sniff it out a mile away. What kind of picture are you setting for the church? At times I pleaded to the Lord to send laborers, but then my pride kicked in and I didn't want to entrust my kids to anyone else. When I say that I'm still working on it, I mean that I'm still working on expressing it in a positive way, rather than in anger. But when you see someone who genuinely loves the kids.. oh man. You see the joy in their eyes when that person walks in. You get to hear the conversations. They connect in such a beautiful way.
 |
| BRB CRYING |
Press on: When people ask me about what I do, I think my answer is initially confusing. "It's the most frustrating, annoying, difficult, most beautiful thing." That kinda sums it up, right leaders? 😂God has strengthened, chisiled, matured, and broke me these past couple years. Every Friday night and days in between, He allows me to return to them, them to me, and allows me the prividlege of being used by Him. Maybe not one kid has gotten saved "with me", but I know that God's Word does not go void. I know that He has called me to be faithful, and I hope that I have been. May I continue in this ministry, whether it be at ICI, church, at a school someday, or wherever he has me.
 |
| Idk why I thought I was going to get a nice, put-together-picture. |
"
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21
 |
| CURRENTLY CRYING. |
