A Bit of Everything (literally..).

OHKAY. Let me just warn you.

This blog is gonna be all over the place. 

It's not about one certain topic, or event. 

It's just a bit of an informative, teaching (hopefully) blog..

First thing's first: The Power of the Tongue.

I mean, I think we all know.. The tongue is one of the most powerful things... in almost every aspect of life. It can open doors, it can definitely shut them. It can bring people up, or it can stab their hearts, and twist the knife, causing them extreme pain. 

"They've lifted my heart
To places I'd never been
And they've dragged me down
Back to where I began

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You "

-Hawk Nelson "Words"

But let's think about the tongue from a different aspect than just the actual words we say.... Because as I have recently been reminded of, the words, the actual WORDS that we say can be beautiful, they can even be bible verses.. but the TONE, my friends... is as much a crucial part of how people will react as are the words.  

Working with youth this year, really getting my hands dirty with it, has taught me SOOO much about how to speak to people, how to communicate what I'm feeling, and how to teach without sounding judgmental or like I'm "Oh so Holy." I know that this is something I've always struggled with.  Even when I was in high school, I remember a girl on my volleyball team telling me "You don't even sound like you're trying to help.  It just sounds like you're condemning me!" and she wasn't a Christian.  So, you can ask anyone, and I'm pretty sure they can attest to the fact that "I'm just a product of grace that's still in the process." (Shout out to Andy Mineo). 

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So yesterday, Wednesday, August 20th, I moved into my college, Moody Bible Institute.  I am a sophomore at Moody (even though my PCM roster says freshy).  It's so surreal. Like, "Dang. I'm growing up." Haha. For those of you who know my parents and their ever so loose rules, you know how big this step is for me.  I mean, I still live 20 minutes away from them (so I can still technically say I'm in their 20 minute radius -____-).  

I am beyond excited to be here.  To be trained how to do ministry, in my hometown, FOR my hometown... there is nothing better than that.  To be among thousands of students all praising, worshiping and working for the same goal of furthering the kingdom... I really don't think you can get a better place. 

I'm also blessed to be "returning" in my PCM to ICI.  It's pretty cool the way the Lord works things out, and his timing... I'm taking Youth Ministry classes........ WHILE I do the actual ministry... I don't have to wait years to apply what I learn today.  I can apply it that same day, or that week. It's beautiful. 

I cannot wait to see what the Lord has for me this year, and these coming years at Moody, at ICI, and wherever the Lord decides to take me.  I know that I feel peace about what I'm doing, and where I'm at.  I truly feel the peace of God with me.  The Lord knows I'ma need his strength during finals and mid-terms, but ..maybe if I look into the eyes of the kids that I work with... there, the Lord WILL renew my strength.

EPIC.

"PHANTOM RANCH...?!!" "IS RAWWW!!!!"
"TRADITIONSSSSSS, TRADITIONS."
"STEVE LAUGHLIN" "OHH NAH NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
"AAYYEE-MEN. AYYYEE-MEN. AYEE-MEN. AMEN, AMEN."

You might read those quotes and think, "What the heck..?" But for anyone who has ever been to Urban week at Phantom Ranch, those are the norm. In fact, they might look at you like you were crazy because you didn't know them (Don't ask me how I know.....).

What is Urban week, you ask? Urban week is a camp put on by hosted by Armitage Baptist Church for high school students who live in, ...the suburbs. -____-.
I hope you know that was a joke... hence the URBAN in "urban week."

This was my first year going, and it DEFINITELY will not be my last (Lord willing).  I went with as a counselor with ICI (and let me tell you, I BARELY made the age cut, haha. #babyprobs).

Like I said in my previous post, when I saw the van come into the driveway, my heart was instantly filled with joy.  I love these kids. Spending a whole week with them, getting closer than ever with some of them, IT. WAS. BEAUTIFUL.

If you have never seen the Lord work in someone's life, I wish I could take you with me on the Tardis, go back to Sunday, and let you experience camp.  The Lord broke down not just walls, but BIG CONCRETE buildings.

I had the pleasure of being in Lonestar with two other co-counselors who were awesome and we were all very similar.  The girls in my cabin were all such a pleasure to have, they brought SOOO much laughter, a good amount of tears, and much more.  I got extremely close to three girls in particular thanks to how the cabin was set up.  There were 3 rooms total, one big one, and two smaller ones.  I was in one of the smaller rooms with 3 of my ICI girls.  Let me tell you, that week with them was LOUD, hilarious, and emotional. One night, I stayed up till 2:12 talking with one of them about her past, her present, and ultimately, the Gospel.

Every night, we had this time called Cabin Wrap-Ups.  As a cabin we reflected on the messages we heard at chapel that day.  Most girls stayed quiet, yet some girls were completely honest and transparent.  They admitted that they didn't know if God was real, and if he was why couldn't they see him? Why couldn't they feel him when they prayed?  What if this was all just a waste of time?

I am typing this today to tell you that those same girls, THOSE. SAME. GIRLS received the gift of salvation on Friday night.  It was the most beautiful, emotional, and humbling experience ever. Let me take you back to that tear-filled night.

Oaks Chapel: lights dimmed, except for the spot light on Bryant, the speaker. His voice was cracking as tears were hitting the lenses of his glasses. He was pleading with these kids to accept the gospel.  (What happened next may at first seem like an "altar call", but it was more like a prayer time.)  Counselors- female and male, lined up the sides of Oak Chapel. "If there is anything you want to pray about, go to your Counselors and pray with them." 

So there I stood- puffy hair, my little brother's sweater, and my Nike running pants.  Music played in the background.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of my girls getting up, tears soaking her cheeks.  I see her walking towards me. "Oh my goodness.. I wonder what's wrong," I thought as  she walked towards me. I gave her the biggest hug while she cried on my shoulder. "I want to accept Jesus into my life," she said, shaking her head as if that were a silly question. I completely lost it. Her friend came up behind sobbing into her black and white stripped dress and said, "Me too."  I stretched my short little arms across them and just cried with them, but tears of utter joy.

Later that night there was a bonfire. *"Ohhhhh bonfire. Light it up, light it up." 4x* It was me, my two girls, plus two other ones, and my two little brothers.  I told one of them how I felt that I wasn't worthy enough to pray that HUGE prayer, questioning why would God use me for such an important task?  We all spent that night just listening to how God was working through the lives of the other campers, and even some of the counselors.

When I thought that that night would finish without one of my girls who I had grown really close with receiving salvation, God had shown me once again that it is HIS timing that is perfect.  Not mine.  The last girl pulled me and my "co-worker/supervisor.....?" aside and said, "You guys said you guys can't replace my aunt, but you guys are extremely close. I want to bring my imperfections to God, and let him work through them.  If I die tonight, I want people to know I was happy."  With that, me and my co-workervisor.. looked at each other, amazed and shocked.  We ended the night by praying for her, and more tears, and more hugs.

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Sorry for this long post, but.. let me just finish off with this quick thought (dang, that word.. haha #youthminprobs).  After the "Life-on-life Ministry" class at the Legacy conference, I spoke to the teacher.  He told me, "At the end of the day you have to be obedient to God."
With all that went on this week, and just my overall experience in what a potential career in full-time ministry would look like and be like, I know this is what God is calling me too.

Being with these kids... when I'm with them.. I have this joy inside of me, like I can't explain.  And I just wanna see them all succeed in life, but more importantly I want to see them all reach the world for Christ.  The thought of facilitating that for them, of being there for them despite those who have left them... I really don't think it can get any better than that.

God's timing.

Yesterday, it hit me again how perfect God's timing is.

This past week was the annual Legacy conference at Moody. For those of you who don't know what it is, Legacy is a Christian urban discipleship conference taught by some of the biggest names in Christian hip-hop, along with other well known and respected urban leaders. This was my second year going, and it was TREMENDOUSLY better than my first year.

Last year, I had not had the opportunity to be a leader.  So a lot of the material... Well,  I couldn't apply it.  This year,  however,  that changed and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for that change.  I got to become one of the leaders of some of the greatest high school students ever.  I got to work along side of an organization that is ALL ABOUT discipleship and life on life ministry.  I've learned SOO much this year. 

This year at Legacy, I went to the Life-on-Life track/workshop with Pastor Nick Rivera.  His class,  seriously.... It blew me away..  It was so good, so practical and biblical. I spoke to him after about some decisions I have to make in the future.  He told me,  "At the end of the day,  you have to be obedient to God."

That hit me hard. Although my future plans might not be the most appealing or understood, I truly feel peace with what I feel God calling me to, but I always felt guilty because of the other people and what they thought of it.

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As I type this, I find myself in the bottom of a bunk bed, within Lonestar cabin and all of my girls at Urban week at Phantom Ranch- a bunch of churches and organizations from the city of Chicago, that bring their kids to hear the gospel and feel Christ's love for a whole week with the intent of a better, longer, easier intent of discipleship after camp is over.

The leaders/counselors got here on Saturday afternoon, and had a little worship session on Sunday morning. I sat back, closed my eyes, joined and worshipped with these leaders. Listening to all these voices lifting up the name of Christ.. Wow. It just takes my breath away. And knowing that all of us are here to show these kid's true hope, love and life... I texted my mom after this message:
" Man, Mom..
God's timing is.. So perfect.
Straight after Legacy, i get a weeklong opportunity to apply what i learned.
We just had chapel.. And worshipping with all these leaders.. Wow. I could do this the rest of my life. "

When the kids drove down to the Phantom Ranch yesterday (Sunday), all the leaders were waiting with joyful, prayer-filled hearts. Seeing their smiles, just melted my heart. And just talking to them and being around them while they waited to check in..  Like really.. This is the best.

    Today was the first full day of camp, and it was great. I really, REALLY love this. I just feel so incredibly blessed and unworthy to do what I do. The fact that God would use a broken vessel like me, to help touch these lives for Christ... It's mind blowing.

 I hope that those of you who read this can sense how happy I am, and the love I have for these kids.  Chicago teens have it hard when their homes are not only broken, but they live in the murder capital. My prayer is to make this place a safe place, where they sense true love. Not love that comes out of MY human being, but of the love and grace that God has given me.